It Takes a Village: Banaszek Family Law explains why your divorce lawyer should not be the shoulder you cry on

/ Banaszek Family Law/

At Banaszek Family Law, we believe that divorce and family lawyers should only form PART of your team of professionals as your family goes through a separation. Transitioning a family to a completely different, and often yet to be known, arrangement is extremely taxing for the separating spouses and for their children. In fact, the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale ranks divorce as the second most stressful life event that someone can go through! On the Scale, divorce is only surpassed by the death of a spouse or a child.

The high ranking of divorce on the Scale should put the stress associated with divorce into perspective for those currently going through the process of unwinding a marriage, for their legal representatives, and for their family members, friends and employers.

We strive to ensure that our clients understand our role in their divorce every step of the way. We understand that clients going through a separation or divorce often benefit from the assistance of mental health professionals, including psychiatrists (medical doctors), psychologists, and various counsellors.

Which issues should be left for mental health professionals to solve?

Family and divorce lawyers are legally trained professionals. This means that in Canada, divorce lawyers are not required to obtain specific counselling or mental health training and education in addition to the Law Society requirements of the province in which they practice law.

If your lawyer primarily practices in family and divorce law, they are often exposed to high-stress and high-conflict interpersonal situations. Although divorce lawyers should have an intimate knowledge of the interpersonal dynamics between their client and separated spouse, it is vital to remember that lawyers are not always equipped to advise and assist with your emotional and psychological well-being and healing.

Lawyers should offer the services of other professionals who are better equipped and specifically trained to assist you. If you are spilling your heart to your lawyer and the information does not assist your legal case, your lawyer should let you know that other services should be employed to reduce your legal bill. Often times, the cost of hiring a counsellor are much lower than the billing rate of your divorce lawyer. In addition, services provided by counsellors and registered psychologists may be partially or wholly covered by your health benefits plan if you have access to one.

In summary, it is best not to seek medical and psychological assistance from a legally-trained professional. Your wallet, lawyer and mental health will thank you.

Which non-legal professionals should I consider hiring during my divorce?

There are a variety of professionals which should be considered by every person going through a separation or divorce. Parties should consider if they would like to attend at counselling alone or with their spouse (if their spouse is agreeable to attending), or attending at both.

If there are children involved and a respectful co-parenting relationship is the goal, the assistance of a counsellor or registered psychologist specializing in family therapy and parenting should be researched and considered.

Parenting coordinators are also professionals which should not be overlooked by separated parents struggling to maintain healthy communication. Parenting coordinators are mental health or legal professionals with mediation training and experience. Parenting coordinators may assist separated parents in the following ways:

  • implementing parenting plans for high-conflict parents;

  • facilitating the resolution of parent disputes in a timely manner;

  • educating the parents about the children’s needs; and

  • making decisions within the scope of a court order or a contract [this is possible with the prior approval of the parties and/or the court].

If you are experiencing stress and other symptoms relating to your separation, you should also consider attending at your general practitioner for additional resources and assistance.

Your divorce lawyer has a duty to avoid litigation where possible.

We are aware that our clients are forced to constantly battle with emotions and instability during most of our solicitor-client relationship. Often times, clients come into our office as the first point of contact after deciding to take steps to separate from their spouse, which means that lawyers have a duty to advise their clients of other non-legal resources and professionals that may make the process easier if employed from the outset.

Before a court action for divorce is commenced (the filing of a Statement of Claim for Divorce) with the Court of Queen’s Bench in Alberta, family and divorce lawyers must sign the “Statement of Solicitor” if you are represented by a lawyer. This statement states as follows:

“I, [lawyer’s name], the solicitor for the Plaintiff, certify to the Court that I have complied with the requirements of section 9 of the Divorce Act (Canada).”

Before a lawyer can sign off on this statement, they should be complying with all of the following, as outlined in Section 9 of the Divorce Act:

9 (1) It is the duty of every barrister, solicitor, lawyer or advocate who undertakes to act on behalf of a spouse in a divorce proceeding

  • (a) to draw to the attention of the spouse the provisions of this Act that have as their object the reconciliation of spouses, and

  • (b) to discuss with the spouse the possibility of the reconciliation of the spouses and to inform the spouse of the marriage counselling or guidance facilities known to him or her that might be able to assist the spouses to achieve a reconciliation,

unless the circumstances of the case are of such a nature that it would clearly not be appropriate to do so.

Idem
(2) It is the duty of every barrister, solicitor, lawyer or advocate who undertakes to act on behalf of a spouse in a divorce proceeding to discuss with the spouse the advisability of negotiating the matters that may be the subject of a support order or a custody order and to inform the spouse of the mediation facilities known to him or her that might be able to assist the spouses in negotiating those matters.

By signing the Statement of Solicitor, your lawyer is advising the court that they have satisfied these steps. This is not something which should be overlooked. Non-legal professionals have the potential impact of reducing your litigation and resolving interpersonal issues between you and your spouse which may make the entire legal aspect of your divorce more efficient (i.e. less costly).

Sometimes, alternative dispute resolution options (like mediation) or counselling and guidance facilities can also help spouses reconcile. If the goal is not reconciliation, obtaining third-party professional counselling may significantly improve communication between the spouses, which is vital for co-parenting or generally working through issues leading to the breakdown of the marriage. Obtaining the assistance of counselling to attend solely (without your separated spouse) may also significantly improve anxiety, stress and provide resources and tools to make the disruption a separation/divorce causes more manageable.

Book your initial consultation with Banaszek Family Law

At Banaszek Family Law, we understand that ‘it takes a village’ of professionals to assist in your family’s transition. We are prepared to assist our clients in finding all of the resources available to them to help reduce the stress associated with separation and divorce.

Make the next move by scheduling your initial consultation with Adrianna Banaszek today, HERE ●

Follow Banaszek Family Law on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn.